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Friday, September 30, 2011

It's Fun to be a Girl - Spicy Saturday

Although I've been under a substantial amount of stress the last few days, I honestly feel like it is a good thing.  I feel like my marriage, and my emotional health in general, is going to not only survive but thrive!  DH and I have been doing a huge amount of talking.  He's opening up, telling me what he's feeling and what he'd like to see change.  Right now it seems like it's mostly about my neediness and clinginess.  He wants to make the decisions about sex, affection and all that.  To but it plainly, he wants to be "the man".

When I look at my behavior throughout our marriage, I have been acting like a guy in a lot of ways.  I am the one pressuring him for sex, checking out other people, acting like sex is all that matters.  Now that he's brought this to my attention I have been very consciously changing my behavior.  I'm acting like the girl now and it feels great.  I am actually really enjoying him chasing me - it's fun!!

I was looking at EdenFantasys tonight and they are actually having a big sale right now!  How convenient with me trying to be all girly and desirable.  Everyone can actually save 20% on all sex toys for women.  Awesome, right?  I am thinking about some massage oil and maybe a sexy piece of lingerie.  It might be fun to slip it on and just let him react!

Bye,
The New Me

Sex toys - EdenFantasys adult toys store

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Things are Going to be Alright

I truly believe that my marriage is going  to be completely fine. After calming down and reflecting on everything I really feel like he was just reacting to the stress and pressure he was feeling. I don't think he even really wants a divorce...he just wants me to listen and for us to fix some things that should've been addressed years ago.

Last night he was so sweet when he got home. He kept going on and on about how much he loved me & how gorgeous I was & how he could never live without me. I played it cool - not distant just not needy either. He kept saying he couldn't wait to be with me the next morning too. I told myself to just be happy no
matter what we did.

We woke up early this morning & he wanted to cuddle. We were all curled up for about two hours sleeping off and on, just enjoying the closeness of each other.He got up later and took a shower but I fell back asleep. Well, he woke me up  the very best way he can, if you know what I mean, lol!! :) Then we came downstairs to eat some breakfast. He turned on Survivor and we ended up watching the two episodes we had recorded. After that we watched American Pickers and had lunch. All morning he was so affectionate and attentive. He
kept just staring at me & telling me how much he loved me. It was so great. When it was time for him to leave for work he kept saying he didn't want to leave me and that he'd miss me.

So, my take on the morning.....I am shocked at how he's acting! I really don't think these are the actions of a man that doesn't love his wife & wants to divorce her. Do you think so?

I also think that I can make the changes that are necessary but I'm going to have to be very conscious of it. Today, when I was focused on making the right choices, I was shocked by how much sex is the only thing that "counts" in my book. For example, when we woke up & were cuddling and sleeping I had to tell
myself not to try to start sex or talk about sex. Instead I just enjoyed the closeness and it was awesome. And, of course, he ended up wanting the same thing after his shower which probably wouldn't have happened if I'd nagged him about it earlier. Then when we were watching Survivor I could feel myself wanting to ask if we could cuddle upstairs and watch it. I was even starting to feel mad that he wanted to watch it down in the living room instead of our bed. But then I told myself that he just wants to chill in his chair, that he could've turned on Fox News or something else I don't like to watch, but instead he wanted to
start trying to catch up on all our shows. And he picked Survivor, which is my favorite of the ones we have right now! Again, the "pay off" was that he was practically falling over himself to tell me how much he loved me. If I'd made a big deal about staying downstairs (which I would've before yesterday) we might've gone up but he would've been distant the whole time.

So many little changes. I really need to be aware of every little thing or awhile. I know it'll get easier and easier though. Today I've been busy. I had to go to the doctor for a check up & made some deliveries for a charity I help with. He's been texting me a bunch again & I'm writing back when I can. It feels good to not be completely in a tizzy over him, what he's thinking and so on!

Raw Honey Giveaway #2

The Mohawk Valley Trading Company offers the highest quality organic and unprocessed natural products they can produce such as maple syrup  and raw honey.

Their raw honey is unpasteurized, unfiltered, unprocessed, unheated, unblended and is available in 5 varieties. Raw honey contains all of the pollen, live enzymes, propolis, vitamins, amino acids, antioxidants, minerals, and aromatics in the same condition as they were in the hive.

For eons, honey has been used for coughs, it is a safe alternative to over the counter cough syrup especially for children; Cough Medicine vs. Honey

MVTC is sponsoring a give away of one, 1# jar of their Adirondack Wildflower Autumn Honey (estimated  value $16.00 SHI included)


Awesome, right?!?



Lots of Texting

We ended up texting all evening last night while he was at work.  He actually texted me as soon as he got there because he was so worried about me.  I had been crying pretty bad and it was such a relief to hear from him. He kept telling me he loved me & that we were going to be okay.  He said we just need to fix some things.  I told him I'd do whatever he wanted.

All through the evening he texted me whenever he got a chance.  It was so nice just talking to him!  Usually I always make it just about sex but I didn't do that last night.  We just talked about our problems some but then also just life in general.  It was so great!

When he got home from work he was very affectionate with me.  He told me we were going to be alright because he loves me, I love him and we're going to work on things.  I promised him I'd work on letting up on the pressure and nagging, especially about sex.  He said that if things are bothering him he'll talk to me about them right away instead of letting it build up.

We fell asleep wrapped up in each other's arms........

Worse Day Ever

Well yesterday morning was literally the worse morning ever. My dh and I were cuddling in bed but he felt distant. I asked him if everything was okay and he said he didn't know. I asked what he meant and he kept saying he didn't know. Then he said he didn't know if he wanted to be with me anymore. I thought he meant right then and I said that was alright we didn't have to cuddle. He starts crying and says he means he doesn't know if he wants to be married to me. WHAT!?! I don't even know where that came from. He was quiet for a long time & I was trying to get him to talk. Finally he said that he just wasn't happy and wanted to get a divorce. Now, this is the same man that I write about all the time who takes such good care of me and seems to love me so much. I don't understand. We're still laying there, not all cuddled up though of course, and he won't even look at me. He says that he'd just not happy but won't tell me why. I ask what it is about our marriage or me that he likes and he says there is nothing he likes. I start crying, he's crying and we aren't talking. We lay there awhile.

Finally I start asking different things that I can change - cleaning better, get a job. He keeps saying that nothing will help and that it's over. He's crying through all of this though - just tears not really weeping hard. Then I realize it's probably about sex....just like always! I ask him if he feels way too much pressure from me. He starts bawling really, really hard. He could hardly even talk he was crying so hard. I asked a lot of questions about that - does he feel like I all I care about is sex & his d***, does he feel like no matter how much we do or what he does it is never good enough, does he worry that I have or I will cheat, does he feel like he's crumbling under the stress, does he love my body & the sex we have but because of the pressure he doesn't even want me, does he want a divorce because I'm making it impossible to continue the way it is. Each time I asked a question he'd start crying hard again and shake his head yes.

I said how sorry I was and how sad it was that I've made him feel that way. I begged him to give me and our marriage a chance. I told him I'd change. I was crying so hard. We were clinging to each other. He finally said that he'd give me a chance. We laid together for awhile after that. Each of us would cry off and on. Then he
told me he loved me. I started to cry when he said it and he said he really did love me but he needed some relief. He feels like his options are to either stay here and die of a heart attack from the pressure of trying to satisfy me or to just get a divorce. I told him I'd find a way to change. To still be me but to cut the pressure out. I told him that I'd rather live without sex than to live without him. So we cuddled alittle more, he ate lunch and had to leave for work. He didn't want to go and kept saying how much he loved me. It was sad.

So now I don't know what to do or how to proceed from here. He left for work and I was bawling my eyes out. I love him so much. I'm so ashamed of how I've been acting. I hate that I've hurt him so much. I hate that he questions his love for me or even my love for him. I'm sad. I'm also scared. I can't imagine not being married to him. We've been married since I was 19 and together since I was 16. That is a long time! He's my whole life. But I haven't been acting like it. I act as though sex is my whole life. That is my only focus. I need to fix this.

I know I need to fix the pressure and sex stuff. It's crunch time now. Either I fix it or I lose the best husband in the world. PERIOD! But I don't even know where to start. I also know that I have to keep my mouth shut. He isn't going to want to keep rehashing all of this. He's going to need me to be quiet and not go over it a million times. That is so hard for me. But actually facing a divorce in reality is ten million times harder.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Shop Share Earn - $175 VISA Giftcard Giveaway

I have teamed up with Jennifers Savings to bring you this wonderful giveaway offered by zuuzs. One lucky winner is going to win a $175 VISA giftcard!!!
Let me tell you a little about zuuzs, a site where you can Shop great stores, Share deals and opinions, and Earn cash. Not only can you enter for a chance to win this $175 VISA Giftcard-zuuzs also has a $1000 Shopping Spreestakes going on right now that you can earn entries just by joining and inviting your friends. 
Why should you join zuuzs? zuuzs offers you cash back rewards, called zuuzs FUNdzs, on all of the purchases you make through the site. But that's not all! You will earn FUNdz from friends and family that you have invited to join your zuuzs Circle of Friendzs. When a member of your Circle of Friendzs makes a purchase, she earns cash back on her purchase and zuuzs pays you a bonus (40%), too, for introducing Zuuzs to her. Your zuuzs Circle of Friendzs includes members that you have invited directly (Direct Friends), and the people that they have invited (Indirect Friends). You will earn 25% FUNdz from your Indirect Friends!!!
zuuzs sends out a check every month on the 21st with the FUNdz that you have earned. You don't have to wait until you have tons of FUNdz in your account, if you have $10 in FUNdz, you will get a check. zuuzs is also working on getting a reloadable debit card so that your FUNdz can be put directly on your card!
I don't know about you, but I am loving the idea of earning extra money each month just by making my purchases online and sharing this great site with my family and friends. Thank you to zuuzs for offering this $175 VISA Giftcard for us to share with one of our lucky followers. Let us know if you are one of the lucky ones that win the Shopping Spreestakes from zuuzs also!
*Just a note-With the new changes on Facebook, make sure to create a new List for all of the pages that you like. When you do this, all you have to do is click on the list that you make to see the posts from the pages you like. Make sure that you do this several times during the day in order not to miss any new giveaways, freebies, great deals, etc.
Good Luck and Start Shopping, Sharing, and Earning with zuuzs!



Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Custom Made Hoodie Giveaway

Crooked Brook offers two types of custom hoodies:

1. Custom Hoodies - Brand name pullover or zip front hoodies personalized with embroidery, appliqué, tackle twill or a combination of all three.

2. Custom Made Hoodies - Hoodies made from an individual pattern according to a customer’s measurements, fabric and style specifications.

Today's Custom Made Hoodie giveaway is a black and green velour, women's pullover hoodie-dress with a contrasting kangaroo pocket, cuffs, collar and waistband. Boxer robe style hood and cuffs, with a plunging v-neck…Size Medium. Here are a couple pictures...

(This is the actual hoodie up for giveaway!)



(This is just a reference picture of someone wearing the hoodie!)

Awesome, right?!?




Raw Honey Giveaway

The Mohawk Valley Trading Company offers the highest quality organic and unprocessed natural products they can produce such as maple syrup  and raw honey.

Their raw honey is unpasteurized, unfiltered, unprocessed, unheated, unblended and is available in 5 varieties. Raw honey contains all of the pollen, live enzymes, propolis, vitamins, amino acids, antioxidants, minerals, and aromatics in the same condition as they were in the hive.

For eons, honey has been used for coughs, it is a safe alternative to over the counter cough syrup especially for children; Cough Medicine vs. Honey

MVTC is sponsoring a give away of one, 1# jar of their Adirondack Wildflower Autumn Honey (estimated  value $16.00 SHI included)


Awesome, right?!?



Duct Tape Challenge - Day 16

Gosh, I'm even more frustrated today than yesterday.  I'm really good at writing out what I should be doing here on my blog, but when push comes to shove it is almost impossible for me to put it into action!  Bottom line.....I talk way, way, way too much!!!!!  I need to just shut up.  I always think that the best thing is for me to talk about my feelings, tell my DH what I am feeling & what I want, try to make him talk, try to make a plan of how things are going to be different.  None of those things work with my DH though!  You'd think I'd know that after all these years, and I suppose I am beginning to learn it, but it's hard to put into practice.  He totally reacts better when I'm quiet and even a little withdrawn.  I think he likes doing the "chasing" instead of me bugging him.  Even though my intentions are always good he feels as though I'm just nagging him.  Then the attention I am craving just feels like another thing on his to do list.  I'm really frustrated with myself.  I know how I need to act to get what I want but it is hard!

I guess, on the bright side, at least I do know how to act.  For years I didn't put the two together.  I thought he was pulling away because he didn't care.  At least now I know that he just wants to pursue me.  He wants me to be a challenge.  It kinda feels like a game but if I want the attention and affection then I need to play along with the game!!!!

This morning I was feeling sad and lonely.  I wanted to talk about it with him but that didn't go well at all.  He shut down immediately, talked very shortly with me & even yelled a few times.  He's usually not like that at all.  Finally, after about the third time that he'd yelled at me I just walked away.  I went outside, cried a little and calmed myself down.  When I came back in he was watching tv.  I fixed our lunch and basically acted like nothing had happened.  While we were eating he kept glancing over at me like he was trying to figure out what I was thinking.  After we ate, I gave him a hug, told him I didn't want to fight anymore and that I was finished trying to get him to be happy or understand what I was feeling.  I also said that I didn't want to nag him anymore but I also refused to be yelled at.  He said he wouldn't yell anymore & that he really missed me but was just stressed.  We hugged some more and I think everything is a little better now.  I just need to stick with the shutting up!!!  Period!!

In some ways, by shutting up and letting him chose what he wants to do I am actually showing him respect.  I'm being respectful of his tiredness, his need for rest, his stress about everything that needs done.  And if I'm respectful (as well as cute and flirty!) he won't be able to resist me. He will find ways to be with me because he'll be missing me instead of find excuses to stay away from me because I feel like a job to him.  I can do this!!

Bye,
The New Me

Monday, September 26, 2011

Mixed Feelings

I'm having a little bit of a rough day today.  I'm not feeling very well so that is probably part of it.  I'm also really missing my DH.  We haven't had much time together.  Well, that isn't really true.  We've had time together but we've been busy.  What I'm missing is all the cuddling and watching television in our bed......naked!  There are so many great shows starting and I want to enjoy them with him.  Unfortunately, life is getting in the way right now.  I'm sure it'll slow down soon but right now it's hard.

The mixed feelings are coming because I want to change myself but honestly I don't know how much I want to change.  Does that make sense?  Maybe I'm just thinking too much today, I don't know.  I guess what I'm saying is that I keep talking about how I want to change myself in regards to sex with my husband.  I want to stop bugging him about it.  I want to keep the "Duct Tape Challenge" in effect.  But I don't really want to change who I am.....I still want to be ME just a little different.

I really don't think that DH wants me to change completely either.  I think he wants the same sexy, affectionate, hot, always ready for sex, fun, flirty wife that he loves so much.  He would hate for me to get rid of all those things.  He just wants me to tone down the pressure some.  That is where the real change needs to come. 

This blog is very beneficial in that sense.  I am able to write out a lot of what I'm feeling instead of dumping it on him.  That helps a lot!  Plus, the "Spicy Saturday" feature is going to be a lot of fun too.  It will allow me to focus on the fun parts of our sex life.  We have a lot of fun, even after 20 years of marriage!  I've also decided to build affiliate relationships with a few online adult stores.  This will allow me to share some great deals with you as well as give you some advice on possible purchases.  The most recent one I've hooked up with is Babeland.  I really like them because they seem very women-friendly!  You can find buttons for all the great affiliates I'm working with on my Awesome Links page.  Whenever you want to visit one of them I'd appreciate if you'd use the button or one of the links in my postings.  Thanks!


Bye,
The New Me

Friday, September 23, 2011

Spicy Saturday Intro

I had a great response to my "Something Spicy" post a week ago.  As a result of that, I've decided to make this a weekly series.  Or at least we'll start out weekly and see how it goes from there!  It's interesting to me how many married women enjoy these types of things but don't really want to talk about it.  I'm here to help change that!

In my search for knowledge, I discovered another website that looks awesome.  Good Vibrations Sex Ed Series: How to Choose a Vibrator.  I learned a lot and I think you will too!  So, keep an eye on out for the new "Spicy Saturday" series.  I'm planning on posting each Friday evening.  Enjoy!

Bye,
The New Me

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Blog Hop Time!

I ♥ Blogging Hop was created to gain new followers, subscribers, tweeters and fb fans. Every Wednesday a new linky will be posted. Head on over & join in on the fun!

Polo Shirt - Golf Shirt Giveaway #2

The polo shirts (golf shirts) that Crooked Brook and I offer for giveaways are first quality overstock from their custom embroidery division. Today’s giveaway is a Men’s Polo/Golf Shirt, XL, oxford.

Here is a picture (click to make larger if you'd like!) …

(Remember the shirt is OXFORD!)


Awesome right?!



Monday, September 19, 2011

Duct Tape Challenge - Day Eight

Wow, wow, wow, it is amazing what a difference a few days can make!  The last time I wrote about the Duct Tape Challenge, on day four I believe, I was very upset with myself and felt like I was failing.  That day I decided to change my approach.  For most of the last 20 years of our marriage, I have not been very confident.  No matter what my DH said, I didn't think I was sexy, hot, attractive or desirable.  I know that drives him crazy.  He gets frustrated about my lack of self esteem

So, as of day four, I decided I needed to do things differently.  Basically I need to just believe him.  I don't have to be "hot" or "sexy" by the world's standards.  I only need to be those things in the eyes of my husband.  He is who matters and he is who I want to impress.  That evening, after beating up on myself for a few hours, I decided that I was going to "fake it till I made it" so to speak.  I was going to pretend that I am confident and sexy.


During the evening, I texted him a few times but he didn't answer me.  I knew it was because he was frustrated about me being so needy.  I decided I needed to do something drastic to show him that I was going to change my behavior.  So, when he got home from work, I was waiting in a little nighty.  His eyes about bugged out of his head, lol!  He reacted just the way I had hoped and it was wonderful.

The next day, and throughout the weekend, I kept up the new confident, sexy, seducing attitude.  He is just eating it up.  He keeps looking at me like I'm the best thing he's ever seen.  I love that feeling!  The funny thing is that after some "fake it till you make it" behavior, I'm actually starting to believe it.  Now, don't get me wrong, I realize that most of the world might not agree with my husband but he thinks I'm sexy and that is all that matters!

The most amazing thing that has come out of this new mindset is the way I feel when we don't have sex, or he isn't over affectionate with me.  Usually I immediately think there is something wrong with me and get all down on myself.  But now, I just think that he's tired and he wishes we were going to be together.  So much less stress and pressure!  I continue to feel sexy and desirable, knowing that as soon as he isn't tired he'll be searching me out.  What an awesome improvement!!

Bye,
The New Me

Friday, September 16, 2011

Something Spicy

Well, as you can tell from reading my blog, sex & affection are a very important part of my marriage.  I’m very proud to say that after 20 years of marriage we both still crave each other!  I love that!  I love that we make our time & pleasure a priority.  Not all marriages do these days and divorce is sometimes the unpleasant result.

Of course, after 20 years our love life could have the tendency to get boring.  That isn’t a problem for us though.  I think one reason is because we are willing to experiment some.  We strive to keep our love life fresh and exciting all the time.  There are times when we’ll use lingerie, candles, oils, maybe even a toy to spice things up a little.

The problem has been buying these things.  As silly as it sounds after 20 years of marriage, I’m embarrassed to go into an adult store to purchase things like this.  But today I came across a great website called EdenFantasys. They sell a wide variety of items that I think will be fun to try out.  Of course there are some items that might be out of our comfort zone but there are tons of others that we would enjoy.  Everything seems to be very reasonably priced and will be shipped in discreet packaging.  Sounds perfect!!

Bye,
The New Me


Sex toys - EdenFantasys adult toys store

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Duct Tape Challenge - Day Four - FAIL!

Well, unfortunately, I'm failing completely at the "Duct Tape Challenge". Honestly, sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me! It's like I don't have a brain in my head.  I know what works and doesn't work. I know the reaction I'll get depending on my behavior. But yet, I keep on making bad decisions then crying about the results.

I do great for a little while, keep the duct tape on and just enjoy the attention my DH is offering. He reacts just the way I want.  It's almost fun.  I feel sexy and beautiful. I feel like he wants me and is chasing me. He immediately changes the way he acts too. He is more aggressive in his pursuit of me.  He's more interested in what I'm doing. He makes a bigger effort to engage me & interact with me.  I love it! I love the way it feels, the fun it is to be chased, and especially how happy DH seems!

But then something small will happen, like he'll be tired and kinda ignoring me or I'll try to give him a hug or whatever & he doesn't respond. Silly things that really don't mater at all, especially in the time frame of only a few hours.  And I'll mess up, start obsessing & nagging, begin comparing myself to other girls and acting all insecure, begging him for attention and affection. He gets frustrated, stubborn and pulls away.  Who could blame him?  Immediately all the fun we're having is gone. I begin to feel like I have to hold so tight to keep his attention but all I'm really doing is pushing him further away.  When will I ever learn? 

I was talking with a friend on Facebook a little while ago & she said something that really stuck with me. She said "You have to distract your brain until you have the control to get the thoughts going elsewhere." That is so true! I tend to really obsess on things, especially when they are related to my DH & sex.  In truth, this is what I need to fix. I need to find a way to break that obsessive behavior. To find a way to distract my brain and focus on something else.

If things aren't going the way I want them to, or if he isn't giving me enough affection/sex/attention then I begin to obsess. In my brain suddenly he thinks I'm ugly, not sexy, not hot, he doesn't want to be married to me, he doesn't want to touch/kiss/whatever me at all. I feel as though I have to talk to him about it and have him reassure me. That leads to much bigger problems because he gets frustrated & stubborn with me. He can't understand what I'm freaking out about because he thinks I'm beautiful, sexy, hot, & very desirable but HE'S JUST TIRED!

So, although I really need to keep the duct tape on, I also need to find a way to break the obsessive behaviors. Any advice? Maybe I could think of something he's said to me that made me feel happy, or I could remember a time recently when we were especially close.  I also think it would help to think of a short thing to say to myself whenever I begin to feel obsessive. Maybe something like "You're the best, he just needs his rest!" or "Be the confident one and you're bound to have some fun". It seems kinda silly but it might work!

Bye,
The New Me



Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Duct Tape Challenge Day 2

My husband works second shift so are days are kinda weird.  We usually get up around 9:00 or so - sometimes later, sometimes earlier.  He leaves for work at 1:45, which means we have about 5 hours together in the mornings.  He doesn't get home until midnight and usually stays up about 45 minutes to an hour.  He's tired then though & is pretty out of it.  So basically our time together is spent before he goes to work.

Today, being only the second day of my challenge, was pretty easy.  He was very affectionate with me both last night and this morning.  I suffered my first migraine last night and it scared me.  He was worried about me while he was at work & I could tell he wished he could've been here with me.  Both last night and this morning he held me lots and rubbed my head, which always makes me feel better.

Plus, and this is my favorite part, he was talking a lot about wanting me & missing me.  He knew I shouldn't do anything yet until we know if the migraine is gone completely but he was wanting it.  I love that!  When he was leaving this afternoon he was talking about how he hoped I was feeling better tonight or for sure tomorrow morning!

The specific challenge I'm setting for myself today is to literally not mention messing around tonight or tomorrow morning. Once my head is feeling better I'll be sure to let him know that but that is as far as I'll go.  In the past I'd be saying things like "so when will we be together?" or "my head isn't hurting now so I want to be close".  But this time I'm challenging myself to simply say that my head isn't hurting & act available. He'll come to me when he's ready.  And it'll be so much better knowing that it's because he came to me and not because I demanded it.  Challenge has been made.....am I up to it?!?

Monday, September 12, 2011

Duct Tape Challenge

I read a wonderful book quite a few years ago called "Surrendered Wife".  It is probably one of the best marriage books I've ever read.  Now, don't let the title turn you off.  It really isn't about becoming a doormat in your relationship - I promise!  It is about letting go of all the things you've been trying to control needlessly.

If you are anything like me, and I'd imagine a lot of you are, you've been making yourself crazy with trying to control every little thing in your relationship. It's hard to break those habits!  Trust me....I've been trying to do it for many years.  I will do a great job for a while and then the fear gets a hold of me.  I feel as though I have to start controlling things to be sure they happen the way I want.

That is messed up thinking though!  Honest!  The times when I let go of the control and let my DH make decisions and choices for himself are always the best times in our marriage.  You'd think I'd learn this after 20 years of marriage but even I have slip ups from time to time. As much as I hate to admit it, my slip ups usually come in regards to trying to control our sex/affection/intimacy levels in our relationship.

The best way to say it is that I become very needy and clingy.  I have fallen into that pattern recently.  I think it's because of all the changes - our empty nest, DD going off to college, DH's work schedule changing.  That isn't an excuse though.  I'm making things worse & pushing my husband away with my neediness! 

He loves me, he loves to spend time with me, he loves to give me sex/affection, he loves my body....I could go on and on.  But when I'm pushing so hard and clinging so tight he pulls away.  I can't blame him!  What man wants to be told to be affectionate or passionate with their wife?  NONE!  As a result, the things I fear (us drifting apart, not having as much affection/sex, feeling lonely) are happening.  I want to change that! 

So, starting today I am instituting a "Duct Tape Challenge" for the next 30 days!  Laura Doyle, the author of Surrendered Wife, talks about mentally picturing duct tape on our mouths as a way of keeping quiet.  I need to do that!  For the next 30 days I will have duct tape figuratively on my mouth in regards to sex, affection, attention, time together....all those things.  I will not talk, whine, cry, pout, hint, request, or demand any of them.  I will keep my mouth shut and simply enjoy what he offers. 

I honestly think at the end of my "Duct Tape Challenge" I will realize how much better things are.  I know deep down that DH wants the same things in our marriage.  He just wants to be the man about them.  I will be documenting my progress here and would love if any of you want to join me!  It can only improve your marriage and your happiness in general!

Bye,
The New Me

Friday, September 9, 2011

Thinking about weddings

I hate to admit this but sometimes I find myself thinking about weddings.  Silly, I know, for someone who has been married for over 20 years!  I suppose part of it is because of my daughter leaving for college....she's "marrying age" now, lol.  I suppose part of it is also because I've been watching lots of wedding shows like Say Yes to the Dress and Four Weddings.  Those shows are so fun to watch!

It's amazing to me how many details there are to think about when planning a wedding.  Of course, there are so many more options available now than when I was planning my wedding back in 1990.  Think about the wedding invitations, for example.  It can be challenging to find affordable wedding invitations but it is worth the effort. I found one site online, just for fun, that offered a wide variety to choose from.  There were many choices including serious or fun wedding invitations, depending on the mood you wanted to create.

I guess I'm probably getting ahead of myself in thinking about weddings.  Especially since my daughter has never even been on a date, lol!  But it is really fun to day dream about them sometimes.

Shopping Online

How many of you shop online? I do and I think it actually wonderful! The only thing I don't like about it is trying to find the best price. I hate searching through tons of websites only to realize that the first one I visited had the best price.  Well, things have just gotten a lot easier thanks to a website I just discovered.  "Become" is a fully integrated internet wide product search and comparison shopping site.  I love it!

With the NFL season starting this week, and knowing how much I love the Steelers, I decided to look for something related to them.  I discovered these awesome Steelers necklaces.  I love them!  There are also some really great baseball sport necklaces if you like that sport better.  Of course, if you are more interested in military items there are some really nice US Navy rings too.

Those are just a few examples of how to use the Become website.  I think it's really great and will probably be using it in the future whenever I'm doing my online shopping!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Hop Along Friday Blog Hop

I decided to join another blog hop!  This one is called the "Hop Along Friday" blog hop & should be a lot of fun!  Here is the link to join in on the excitement.  Blog hops are a great way to gain followers and make new bloggy friends!


Fleece Blanket Giveaway!

Check out this great giveaway on the Life Full of Laughter blog!  The entries are relatively low and you could win 2 black fleece blankets!

Check out Beauty Brite!

I have to tell you, I have made some really wonderful bloggy friends recently!  It's awesome the way everyone is willing to step up and help the new person.  I appreciate it so much!  I am working very hard on building my blog, adding followers & readers, gaining new & exciting sponsors for reviews and giveaways.  Throughout all of it I am learning every step of the way.  I'm so thankful for helpful people that are making it easier!

One of those people is Stephanie of Beauty Brite Blog.  She graciously responded to my email begging her for help.  As you will see when you visit her blog, she is very successful and has a beautiful blog.  She's even offered to advertise the giveaway that I'm holding right now.  She did a great post to spread the word.  Be sure to visit because she is offering some really great giveaways herself right now!!!

Bye,
The New Me

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Polo Shirt -Golf Shirt Giveaway #1

The polo shirts (golf shirts) that Crooked Brook and I offer for giveaways are first quality overstock from their custom embroidery division. Today’s giveaway is a Men’s Polo/Golf Shirt, XL, navy.

Here is a picture (click to make larger if you'd like!) …

(Remember the shirt is NAVY)



Awesome right?!




Tuesday, September 6, 2011

New Work Schedule

Well, my DH has a new work schedule at work. He had been working a rotating day schedule of 12 hours which we hated. They were long days and he'd be so tired at night. Of course, the days off were awesome though! But starting today he'll be on a new schedule. The good news is that he'll only work 8 hours a day. The bad news is that he's on second shift. Because he works about an hour from home he'll actually be away from the house from 1:45pm - midnight Monday through Friday.

I'm sad about the change. I am worried that it'll mean we won't have as much time together. At night, when he gets home from work at midnight, he'll be tired and will probably head to bed soon after getting home. But then in the mornings he'll be dreading going to work. I hate that!

He says that we'll still have lots of time and for me not to worry. I know he wants to be with me too so I shouldn't worry. That is easier said than done though, lol! Of course, I have totally discovered that I am more likely to get what I want (time & affection with him) if I'm happy and fun instead of sad and worried. He just gets stubborn when I put pressure on him to pay attention to me. I need to remember that!

So my current challenge in this path to reinventing myself is to just go with the flow! To be happy, fun and flirty no matter what. To just "giggle & wiggle" and trust that he'll react the way I want him to. That is my challenge and I am confident that I can succeed!

Bye,
The New Me

Thursday, September 1, 2011

I am truly blessed

I've had a rough couple days. My hormones are all over the place and it is affecting my mood drastically! I'm pretty sure I'm in perimenopause plus my period is trying to start so my hormones are just jumping around like crazy! I've cried because I'm happy, I've felt like my marriage & life are perfect, I've cried because I'm scared, I've cried because I'm sad, I've felt like my marriage & life are a mess, then back to crying because I'm happy & feeling like my life is perfect. What a roller coaster!

My husband has been wonderful though. It's so encouraging to me that he is willing to help when I'm feeling like this. It's awesome! I love that he holds me & just lets me cry. I love that he talks me through the negative feelings and reassures me that things are good. I love that he doesn't get frustrated or irritated when I'm all over the place emotionally. I love that he constantly is telling me how gorgeous and great I am. He loves me so much and I'm blessed to have him in my life.

It hasn't always been this way. I used to strike out at him when I was feeling hormonal. I'd be mean and say hurtful things. I'd act as though he didn't love me at all. He was different too. He would get stubborn and angry with me. He wouldn't try to help at all. He wasn't understanding at all.

I honestly don't know who changed first, or even when the changes really occurred, but thankfully they are different now. I reach for him instead of pushing him away when I'm feeling emotional or hormonal. He is my rock and helps me through the hard times. I praise God for that! I am so thankful that we are as close as we are now. It's such a blessing to have such a wonderful husband and such a strong marriage!!

Bye,
The New Me