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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Flowers

Don't you just love getting flowers from your husband or loved ones? I sure do! My husband doesn't do it often enough though, lol! He did have flowers delivered for our 20th wedding anniversary. Unfortunately, I was sick that day and taking a nap when the delivery guy came. But we celebrated lots when I got better. Here is a picture of the beautiful flowers he had delivered for our anniversary....
With DD away at college, and some family members living in different states, I was thinking today about ordering flowers online.  How does it work?  Would I be happy with the selection and service?  What if DD ends up getting to study abroad for a semester?  Could I still send her flowers, like for her birthday or a special occasion?  I did some research and realized that international flower delivery is a great option.  What a relief!  Now I know that I, or anyone else for that matter, can send flowers to absolutely anyone they want.  Perfect!


Bye,
The New Me 

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

"Get Wired Wednesday" Blog Hop

I've joined my first blog hop!  What a great fun way to find new blogs to read, as well as an awesome way to gain more readers for this blog!!  Here is the link if anyone wants to check out some other great blogs...



Bye,
The New Me

Monday, August 29, 2011

An Empty Nest Can Be Fun!

I'm finally starting to realize how fun an empty nest can be!!  Don't get me wrong, I still miss DD and can't wait to see her again, but it's fun to have the house & my DH to myself!!  He was off work on Saturday and Sunday and we had an amazing time together.

I'm so thankful that we are so in love after all these years.  It's awesome!  Plus I love that he can't seem to get enough of me.  I was reading over some of my posts and can't believe the one I wrote about us being like all the other couples we know.  That is so far from the truth!  We act like teenagers most the time & I love it!!

Today he is back at work & of course I'm missing him.  When he's not here to distract me it makes me think more about DD being away at college too.  I have a lot of work to do around here, though, so I need to get busy.  It's nice to have the freedom and flexibility to do what I want when I want to do it!

Speaking of work needing to be done, do any of you follow FlyLady?  I used to be on her mailing list years ago but have gotten away from it.  I think I'll check it out today - of course that means I'll end up wasting the day on the laptop, lol!  She has so many great ideas for routines and cleaning schedules.  I hate to admit it but I've never been good about housework.  My husband jokes that it's good he thinks I'm so gorgeous or I would've been fired years ago - lol!

Bye,
The New Me

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Feeling blue today

Today is the first day that I've actually been home alone since DD went to college.  We got home from our trip on Monday but DH was off work Tuesday & Wednesday.  Today, Thursday, he's back to work.  I slept really late which helped the day go by faster.  But I'm still feeling pretty blue.  I just miss DD.  It's weird to not have her here with me.

I know that eventually this will get better & I just need to be patient.  I also know that I'll probably come to love having the house to myself.  I'm sure I'll get lots of crafting done & probably become a better housekeeper too, lol.  But right now, on the very first day, I'm feeling very blue.

I've tried texted DH at work a couple times but he hasn't answered me.  I'm assuming he's just busy but hopefully it isn't because he's tired of listening to me whine.  He works 12 hour shifts so it makes for a very long day here alone.  His mom, who I've had trouble with in the past but has recently begun to love & accept me, called to check on how I was doing.  We talked for about a half hour and I felt better afterwards.

DD is on a roller coaster of a ride herself.  Overall I'd say she is adjusting pretty well.  There are times where she'll call and be crying, but in general she seems to be having a great time.  She's already made some new friends too, which is really good.

All of these changes are so hard to adjust to, but I know in time we will all be so happy with the new lives that we've created!  It's just getting to that point that is a little difficult sometimes!

Bye,
The New Me

Saturday, August 20, 2011

I messed up today

Well, today was the big move in day for our DD.  We got her all moved into the dorm and she is sleeping there tonight.  I'm so proud of her & excited for what the future will bring.  She's a little scared, and worried about leaving us & home, but I think she's ready for the changes too.  It'll be a whole new life for her!

Unfortunately, I messed up tonight.  DH and I came back to the hotel.  We were both tired but I was wanting some affection from him.  Instead of just asking for it, which is what I should have done, instead I started whining and nagging at him.  I went on and on.  He was so tired and really didn't want to listen to it.  Which, of course, just made things worse.

I kept saying that I was afraid we were going to become like every other couple we know and barely even be affectionate with each other.  I insisted on him holding me, then complained when he did because I said he wasn't doing it right.  I went on and on.  It was like I just couldn't make myself stop.  Crazy!  Of course, he got frustrated with me.  He tried to be nice and reassuring but I wouldn't shut up.  We didn't really fight and he was nice the whole time but it was so obvious that he was irritated with me.  He eventually fell asleep.

Now I'm feeling guilty and mad at myself.  Why do I do this?  Why can't I just be quiet?  Why can't I just trust that he loves me and my body?  Why do I have to push him and pester him?  Why can't I just do what I say I want to do and give him the space to come to me?  Why am I so afraid that we're going to become boring?  Then I almost make it happen by nagging him so much that he doesn't find me attractive at all.  Why?  Why can't I just realize that the more I "talk" (which is code for nag & pester) the less he wants me?

I realized, too late of course, but I did realize that I'm making the thing I fear so much actually happen with all my insecurity.  I'm pushing him away when I really want to draw him near to me.  When will I ever learn?  I need to learn soon because it's crunch time.  DD is at college and we're going to be home alone.  If I keep this up we are never going to be affectionate and cuddly. We will hardly ever be intimate and we will become as boring as all the other couples we know.

But if I could just learn & put into practice a new way then things will be amazing.  I need to trust that he finds me irresistible when I'm flirty and fun.  I need to trust that he is turned on by my body.  I need to realize that my body is the thing that will make him want to be close, cuddly, affectionate and sexy with me.  NOT my nagging and pestering!

Tomorrow is a new day and I pray that I can put these things into practice.  It's so hard though!  It's scary to be sexy acting when he is tired or withdrawn.  What if he doesn't react the way I hope he will?  But what I need to remember is that I have a much better chance of the outcome I want if I act sexy and alluring than if I nag and pester!  Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully I do better!

Bye,
The New Me

Friday, August 19, 2011

Tennis Time


Guest post from: Constance Rodgers

What is it about tennis that I like so much? I don’t really like to play the game since my hand eye coordination is about as bad as an infant’s but I really, really like to watch it on TV. For example, this year when Wimbledon was going on I was glued to myhttp://www.DIREC.tv channels watching every back and forth of the racket. The girls were grunting louder than I’ve ever heard them which made it all the more exciting! I think it’s because tennis is such an individual game and there’s not a lot of room for error but it could be because I’m not good at it myself and wish I would learn something from watching. Whatever it is I should probably take some lessons so I know as much about being on the court as I do about the rules and what a good stroke should look like…I’m totally a fairweather tennis fan! Serena Williams is my favorite but I suppose she’s probably everyone’s which isn’t all that special…

Thursday, August 18, 2011

It's almost time

Well, tomorrow is the big day.  That is the day that we leave for Indiana and DD's new life.  I'm having a rough time today.  We're crazy busy, which is helping to keep my mind off things somewhat, and it feels like we'll never get everything done.  It is amazing to me all the things that she'll have to take to school with her.  I sure hope it'll all fit in the car, lol!

Throughout the day, I've been thinking back on when she was a little girl.  It feels like just yesterday that my DH was teaching to ride her bike, or I was teaching her to do long division.  Now she is all grown up and headed out into the world.  It's frightening and exciting all at the same time.  I know she is ready and I pray that the transition goes quickly and smoothly.

It's going to be such an exciting change for her.  Up until now I've homeschooled her & she's basically been home with me all the time.  Now she'll have classes to attend, classmates to discuss things with, and professors to rely on.  She's very seriously considering getting a job on campus too.  I think that will be great for her.  It'll give her some spending money & introduce her to even more people.  

I think that DH is very excited about us having an empty nest.  He keeps flirting with me, grabbing me, kissing me, and whispering plans for the future.  It's fun!  I know we're going to have a wonderful time.  I also know that I was crazy to write what I did a few days ago about worrying that we were never going to get back to normal.  We are already there now & it's only going to get more exciting after DD goes to college.  I absolutely LOVE that he's looking forward to having time with me!

Tonight & the next few days are going to be hard though.  As much as I'm looking forward to all the fun DH and I are going to have together, as well as the freedom I'll have to do what I want, I know I'm going to miss DD too.  It's going to be hard...especially on days that DH is at work & the house is empty.  I'm afraid I'll be lonely.  I'm even more afraid that it'll be hard on DD to get used to these changes.  It's hard to imagine that I'll be here & she'll be four hours away needing me when there is nothing I can do.  I guess in a way there are things I can do though.  I can pray, first and foremost, and I can be there for her whenever she needs to talk.

So many big changes are coming and I promise to write my way through the adventure!

Bye,
The New Me

Monday, August 15, 2011

Day One of the Challenge

I've done pretty well so far today as far as the challenge goes.  Usually he texts me throughout the day while he is at work but today he didn't.  Now in the past I would get all worked up, wondering why he hasn't texted me, sometimes even send him some texts to see what is going on.  But today, because the challenge is in my mind, I decided not to do any of those things.  I just kept myself occupied with DD, who I wanted to spend time with anyhow before she leaves.

When he got home he was super cuddly and affectionate.  He said that he'd been busy all day and hated it because he would've liked to text me instead.  He kept saying how much he missed me, was putting his arm around me a lot and just making "googly" eyes at me while we ate dinner.  It was awesome!

He's taking a shower now and will probably just rest in his chair this evening.  He works 12 hour shifts and is always tired when he gets home.  Plus, with having a busy day today it just makes things worse.  I would much rather go up to our room and have some fun....or atleast cuddle up some and just watch television.  But I know he's tired.  In the past I've asked to do those things and sometimes we will but I can always tell that he would rather just be resting in his chair.  Tonight, again because of the challenge, I'm keeping my mouth shut.  I'm going to just enjoy whatever we do & be happy.

Bye,
The New Me

2 Weeks

My husband and I sorta had an argument tonight.  Not really an argument but a little more animated than a discussion, lol!  I've been feeling lonely and neglected.  Logically I think it is because of him working a ton of overtime to get everything we need for DD to go to college, but emotionally I think it is because he is tired of me & that it will only get worse once DD goes to school.  Tonight we talked about it and he got kinda frustrated with me.  He said that it's only because of him being tired and for me to just trust him.  I told him I wasn't happy with the way things are right now and that I bet they'll be exactly this way in two weeks.  He said that they will be completely different in two weeks and that I will be very happy.  We agreed to not talk about it again (or actually for me not to nag him about it anymore) until August 29 which is two weeks from now.

So the challenge begins.  Honestly, I know that he is probably right.  I know that he loves me completely and totally enjoys spending time with me.  I also know that he is just exhausted from working so much and needs to catch up on his sleep.  When he is tired it is difficult for him to give me the attention and affection that I'm used to.  It'll probably be fun to see what happens for the next two weeks.  The real challenge in going to be for me to keep my mouth shut.  No nagging, no complaining, no begging for attention, no hinting about wanting cuddling or sex....just being happy, fun, flirty, sexy me and seeing what happens.  Should be interesting!

Bye,
The New Me

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Will I drive him crazy?

I've been thinking a lot about my husband and our marriage. How will it change once DD goes to college?  I am hoping for many positive changes but I sometimes worry that I'll drive him crazy.  Will I be too needy?  Will I rely on him to fill all my needs?  Will I expect too much of him?  These are things that I struggle with.

We both have been talking a lot about how much fun we're going to have.  We've talked about all the sex we'll be having - it'll be awesome to be able to do whatever we want, wherever we want, whenever we want!!  We're both very, very sexual and I think that area of our lives will only improve.  It's already amazing - lots of fun, frequency and excitement - and I think our freedom will just make it better.  An empty house is going to be a lot of fun!

What I worry about is just smothering my husband in general.  I like a lot of attention.  I like for him to make over me all the time.  I like us spending a lot of time together, especially cuddling and kissing.  I know he likes these things too.  But he needs the space and time to do other things as well.  He needs to be able to just chill and relax.

Sometimes I think that I almost have to play a game with him.  That I need to sorta be "uninterested" in spending time with him, or sex, or affection or whatever.  It seems as though if I pull back a little bit he can't get enough of me.  Not that I'm ignoring him, or refusing him of anything, just that I'm not in his face begging for attention all the time.  If I can make myself pull back a little then he usually really, really becomes interested in me.  It's like he can't get enough.

But when I'm bugging, or nagging, him for attention & affection he seems to pull away some.  He still wants me, is still nice & loving, we still have sex, but is isn't as often or as exciting.  Of course, that just makes me cling tighter which makes him pull away more.  It is a vicious cycle.

I am praying that I'll find the strength to keep myself entertained and happy.  I want to pull away just a little.  I want to make myself just a little bit busy.  Not too busy by any means because I love the sex and attention so much!  Just busy enough to make him miss me & want me.  To make him pursue me.  I love that!  I love when he makes me feel desired and sexy.  But he can't do that if I'm constantly bugging him for attention.

That is going to be one of my biggest goals for this new time in my life.  It's hard though because sometimes I feel like I have to "make" him want to be with me.  Logically I know that is crazy, and actually counterproductive because my "making"him just pushes him away.  But emotionally that is my fear.  I know it is a confidence issue.  But I think if I could just pull back a little it would be good for my self confidence because I am very positive that he will actively and aggressively pursue me!  Just think how beautiful and sexy I'll feel then!!

Bye,
The New Me

Thursday, August 11, 2011

So stressed!!

Gosh, I am so stressed out right now.  It is getting very close to time when we take DD to college - only about one more week.  She is beginning to feel the pressure.  She's grumpy, quick to get upset, very emotional.  But she is still wanting to spend tons of time with me.  Even when she's "mad" at me, for some unknown reason, she still wants to spend time with me because she is leaving soon.  I appreciate that she wants to be with me, I love that we are so close & that she is going to miss me, but this is really beginning to stress me out.

I almost feel like she needs some time to herself to process through what she is feeling.  She doesn't want that at all though.  I also feel like it would help if she'd talk to me about what she is feeling and thinking.  She doesn't want that either.  It feels like she just wants to be miserable and share that with me.  I know this is a difficult time for her, I know she's nervous and a little worried about how college is going to be, I know that there are HUGE changes coming for her.  But I wish she'd work through it instead of taking it all out on me.

Part of the problem, probably a big part of the problem, is that DH is very tired from working a ton of overtime.  Usually he would be calming me down, talking me through the stress, offering tons of affection and other things to relieve my stress.  He isn't able to do those things right now though.  He's just too tired.  I respect that but it's still hard for me.  I want his help.  I miss his help.  I miss his affection.  It just feels like I'm doing this without him and I hate that.

Also, usually during stressful times, I would be doing lots of things that make me feel better - self care so to speak.  I can't really do that right now, though, because DD is wanting to spend every free minute with me.  I'm not even getting the sleep I should because she wants to stay up late and get up early.  I keep telling myself this is only for a week or so.  I know how blessed I am to have such a close relationship with DD and I need to remember that.  I'm just feeling stressed right now!!!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Busy time

I am amazed at how busy things are right now.  We had so much shopping to do.  Thankfully, we took two full days and now we're finished!  For now the shopping is done - atleast until we get to the dorm, lol!!  It was fun shopping for new things.  It really makes it real that our only child is leaving for college very soon.  I think she is starting to get excited.  Still nervous, of course, but excited too.  It's going to be a whole new world for her and I think she's anticipating all the opportunities.

I'm having such mixed emotions.  One minute I can't wait for her to go to college and begin my "new" life here.  But then the next minute I'm feeling sad and tearful because I know I'm really going to miss her.  Then the next minute I'm feeling at a loss.  I don't know how else to put it.  I just feel at a loss because the person I've been for the last 18 years - our daughter's mom and teacher - is no longer in existence.  Sure, she'll always need me but not like she has for the last 18 years.  That is a hard pill to swallow sometimes.  But then, before I know it, my emotions have changed again and I'm just super excited at the prospect of having my husband & our home all to myself.  We're going to have a lot of fun!

Of course, for the next week or so, it's going to mainly be about getting things ready for college and spending time with our daughter.  Before I know it we'll be loading the car, driving the four hours, moving her into her new dorm, and saying goodbye.  I want to enjoy every moment I can between now and then!

Bye,
The New Me  

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Changes are coming

My life is about to drastically change.  I am married to an amazing man who has supported me throughout the last 18 years while I stayed home to raise our only child, a daughter.  I was also blessed enough to get to home school her during that time.  She has now graduated and is heading to college in just a couple weeks.  This, of course, is going to mean major changes for all three of us.

This blog is a way for me to process through those changes.  There are many things I'd like to change in my life, my habits, and my attitudes.  This seems like the perfect time to begin making changes.  My life is beautiful and very blessed but I want to tweak it.  Things are great but they could be even better!  I'd like to invite you along on the adventure!

Bye,
The New Me