I've been thinking a lot about my husband and our marriage. How will it change once DD goes to college? I am hoping for many positive changes but I sometimes worry that I'll drive him crazy. Will I be too needy? Will I rely on him to fill all my needs? Will I expect too much of him? These are things that I struggle with.
We both have been talking a lot about how much fun we're going to have. We've talked about all the sex we'll be having - it'll be awesome to be able to do whatever we want, wherever we want, whenever we want!! We're both very, very sexual and I think that area of our lives will only improve. It's already amazing - lots of fun, frequency and excitement - and I think our freedom will just make it better. An empty house is going to be a lot of fun!
What I worry about is just smothering my husband in general. I like a lot of attention. I like for him to make over me all the time. I like us spending a lot of time together, especially cuddling and kissing. I know he likes these things too. But he needs the space and time to do other things as well. He needs to be able to just chill and relax.
Sometimes I think that I almost have to play a game with him. That I need to sorta be "uninterested" in spending time with him, or sex, or affection or whatever. It seems as though if I pull back a little bit he can't get enough of me. Not that I'm ignoring him, or refusing him of anything, just that I'm not in his face begging for attention all the time. If I can make myself pull back a little then he usually really, really becomes interested in me. It's like he can't get enough.
But when I'm bugging, or nagging, him for attention & affection he seems to pull away some. He still wants me, is still nice & loving, we still have sex, but is isn't as often or as exciting. Of course, that just makes me cling tighter which makes him pull away more. It is a vicious cycle.
I am praying that I'll find the strength to keep myself entertained and happy. I want to pull away just a little. I want to make myself just a little bit busy. Not too busy by any means because I love the sex and attention so much! Just busy enough to make him miss me & want me. To make him pursue me. I love that! I love when he makes me feel desired and sexy. But he can't do that if I'm constantly bugging him for attention.
That is going to be one of my biggest goals for this new time in my life. It's hard though because sometimes I feel like I have to "make" him want to be with me. Logically I know that is crazy, and actually counterproductive because my "making"him just pushes him away. But emotionally that is my fear. I know it is a confidence issue. But I think if I could just pull back a little it would be good for my self confidence because I am very positive that he will actively and aggressively pursue me! Just think how beautiful and sexy I'll feel then!!
The New Me