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Monday, October 10, 2011

Growing Up

My baby is growing up.  There is no other way to put it.  I'll be honest, it is hitting me hard this evening.  As you all know, she is away at college.  She's doing great!  Much better than anyone expected, if we were all telling the truth.  She's adjusting beautifully and has made lots of new friends.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her.  Thrilled!  But I'm sad too.  We've always been so close.  It's just weird and hard for things to be so different now.  I hadn't talked to her for a few days - weird in and of itself - and when we did talk today it felt like she'd rather be doing anything but visiting with me.  I didn't mention it, of course, and I'm glad she called even if she didn't really want to.  But it just hit me that things are changing.

Because she has been homeschooled.  And since she's an only child.  And I've never worked.  We are very close.  I know it'll stay that way but yet it is different.  She's growing up.  There is really no other way to put it.  She's growing up and gaining independence.  She has a life of her own.  She is beginning to feel as though her home is at college not here.  I knew these feelings would come but I honestly didn't expect them this soon.  I thought she'd still be missing us, missing home and be excited about coming for a visit.  Instead, she's sad about leaving her school, her dorm, her friends, and her routine.

Again, I know that deep down this is what is best.  It's the right thing.  The natural thing.  But it's hard.  I'm just having a mom moment I suppose.  I'm feeling lonely and sad and unneeded.  I don't even know if that is actually a word but that is how I feel - I'm not needed anymore.  I should be happy that she is doing so well, and I will be happy with time, but right now I'm just missing my baby.

The New Me

1 comment:

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